Forgiveness - Torkom Saraydarian

On the path of discipleship, one must understand the complexity of the problem of forgiveness.

In the New Testament there is a very interesting story about a servant who owed many debts to his rich master. The rich man's other servants brought him the servant who owed him 10,000 talents. As he could not pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all that he had, so that he could pay. The servant then fell down, worshiped the rich master, and said, "My Lord, have patience with me and I will pay you everything."

The master of the servant had pity, so he released him and cancelled his debt. But the servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him 100 pennies; and he seized him and tried to choke him, saying to him, "Give me what you owe me." His fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, "Have patience with me and I will pay you." But he would not wait and he had the fellow servant put into prison until he could pay him what he owed him. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were sorry, and came and informed their master of everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant and said to him, "O wicked servant, I cancelled all your debts because you begged me to. Was it not right for you to have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?" His master was angry, and he delivered him to the scourgers until he should pay everything that he owed him... (See Matthew XVIII 24-34) It is very interesting to note that the rich man did not foresee the future action of his servant when he forgave him, but karma caught the servant later.

The master did wrong in forgiving the servant without educating and disciplining him. One may wonder why the master allowed the servant to accumulate such a huge debt. There was some weakness in the master, who corrected himself by giving the servant over to the karmic scourgers. Here we see that forgiveness, punishment, and karma are related to each other. Immediate punishment and karmic corrections are very slow methods to transform people. This is why we say that people cannot be corrected by the pressure of the law.

Christ revealed a great mystery and called it grace. But people understood it lightly, thinking that grace works against the law and against karma. Grace in its essence is the principle of forgiveness. Only with proper forgiveness can one bring transformation in a victim and put him on the path of righteousness and joy. Forgiveness has no intention of encouraging people to continue hurting others or breaking the law. The forgiving one must know intuitively that the debtor will not continue in his former actions. In another case, a man beat his neighbour, Mr. X, in an argument and Mr. X took him to court. The court sentenced him to 40 days in jail and fined him 100 dollars. When the guard was taking him to jail, the man asked to see Mr. X for one minute. He said, "Mr. X, would you please forgive me? "Forgive you? It is too late; you are going to jail." "Yes, I know, but if you forgive me, the 40 days will not be so long for me, and when I come back out we will not be enemies, but friends. So please forgive me." Once Christ said, "Let not the Sun set upon your anger." This, of course, means, do not die without forgiving people or without asking their forgiveness. It also means that daily when you go to sleep, it is better to get rid of your anger and create a state of forgiveness so that you do not carry your trash with you to the Subtle World.

The purpose of forgiveness is threefold:

a. To create right human relations on Earth and in the subjective world.

b. To restore the integrity and honesty of people.

c. To not continue adding to the karmic debts.

There are certain mechanics of forgiveness.

1. If you seek forgiveness, the first thing you must do is to demonstrate utmost sincerity and honesty, revealing your motives, ways, actions and plans. Any hidden factors within you make forgiveness impossible. You must know that if a person forgives you without knowing that you are hiding certain motives and actions, the hidden factors will poison your being and make forgiveness futile. When you deceive a person who is ready to forgive you or already forgave you, you are entering the path of treason. On the other hand, when the forgiving one tries to trap you and then after knowing all that you did takes revenge on you, he violates your trust. The violation of trust is one of the greatest treasons, and it is abhorred by Great Ones. Karma descends heavily on people who violate trust. One cannot confess and reveal himself if he does not know exactly what wrong he did. He must clearly realize his errors and be determined not to repeat them. The moment of confession and forgiveness creates an atmosphere into which are drawn various angels and dark forces. They wait anxiously to see what is going on. If the confessor is revealing the totality of himself with the right motive, with trust and with regret about his own errors, the angels will rejoice; and they will inspire courage and reveal to him things related to Infinity and not related to short-range interests. But if the confessor, with various motives, wants to use the situation for his personality advantage, hiding the facts and his intentions, the dark forces will rejoice and inspire him to continue his treacherous path. The moment of confession and forgiveness is a sacred moment, and one can be spiritually born again in such moments.

2. Forgiveness will be granted through educating and disciplining the person. One may confess and be offered forgiveness, but if he is not strong enough to keep his promise and follow a better path, both forgiveness and confession are a waste of time. To educate someone means to make him see the consequences of his errors in the objective and subjective worlds, to see their effect on his eternal journey, to see the possible reaction of karma, and to see the causes of his errors and the factors influencing him to err. If he is sincere, he will joyfully go through the discipline, which is not punishment, but a way to free himself from his traps. Discipline includes discipline of speech, actions and thought; heavy labor, maybe certain meditations, retreat, abstinence, etc. Punishment lies in the domain of karma and law. If these steps -- education and discipline -- are not taken by both parties before forgiveness, then forgiveness will encourage the person to continue his downfall. Such people eventually sell their souls to evil, and they can be saved only through very strong shocks. In confession and forgiveness, there is a very important factor. The one confessing must feel really sorry for the things he did, not because he wants to be forgiven, not because forgiveness will set him free, not because forgiveness will restore his income or friendship, but because:

a. he violated a trust.

b. he broke his unity with his conscience.

c. his integrity failed.

d. he retarded his progress on the path.

e. he disappointed the guardians of his soul.

A deep realization of these points will evoke forgiveness from higher realms, even if the person does not have anybody to whom to confess.

3. If one does not ask for forgiveness with all his heart, with the intention to resolve the situation and start a new page of life, the wrong relationship will continue, producing more and more tension points, with destructive results, and adding karmic debts.

4. If you ask forgiveness or forgive in order to protect your personal interests or because of your fear, you will never advance on the path because, we are told, a hypocrite is always caught in the traps of his sefish interests. If the opportunity for forgiveness and liberation is not taken seriously, the tension-causing events will grow and continue, with future destructive results.

5. After forgiveness or forgiving, the past must not be mentioned or used against the individual if new tension develops. Nobility requires that when the past is left, it must be left forever and not be used to prove or disprove any new outcomes or events. Forgiveness means total detachment. The new events may have connection with past events, but one must look at them in the light of the day. Life must not be used to produce victims and make them multiply and become stronger. Life must be used to help for the transformation of each other.

6. It is possible that one can forgive someone else for his own vanity, in order to be considered great and noble. This is a wrong motive. Such a person still lives in his own traps. Some people even use forgiveness as a tool of revenge or to encourage the failing one to destroy himself.

7. Forgiveness is a method not to perpetuate your involvement with the karma of the person on the wrong path.

8. The perpetuation of anger and hatred is responsible for the creation of tension points in your consciousness and aura. Sometimes these tension points accumulate, and like a volcano, erupt and bring the person to his knees for confession. If such a crisis is used in the right way, as an opportunity for a new rebirth, the transformation of the person becomes possible, with the solution of the crisis.

9. Again and again we are told to solve our problems as soon as we can because if we take them with us to the Subtle World, we will not only perpetuate them, but we will make them a continuous, dramatized nightmare for ourselves in the Subtle World. When we pass away with anger and fear, we will not only continuously send destructive thought to those whom we hate, but we will carry our fear and hatred around us in the Subtle World, like a contaminated sphere of darkness.

10. The relationship between friends is a very sensitive matter. The slightest disturbance should not last between them, but must be discussed, solved and eliminated. People sometimes wait too long to talk and resolve their problems. As times goes by, the problem deepens and branches out, due to many other influences. For example, as the person broods over the problem, buried memories which have some kind of association with the problem awaken and join with it, creating more complications. Second, a disturbed or hurt person generally complains about the situation to his friends, and some of them use the opportunity to add fuel to the problem. Also, their thoughtforms about the problem build a cloud around the minds of the two friends. Third, certain entities in Nature who nourish themselves by the emanations of disunity and disturbances encourage them and complicate the problem even more. This is why Christ said that people must talk and solve their problems before sunset, which means -- in one sense -- as soon as possible. Sometimes delay expands the cleavage and makes the solution of the problem harder. As time passes, different interests also interfere and pull the friends apart. "Let not the Sun set upon your anger." This is a great advice.

In certain traditions the one who asks forgiveness kneels in front of the one who is going to forgive. The forgiver puts his hands upon the head of the person and declares his forgiveness. For example, he says, "I forgive you with my heart, and I will not carry any painful memory of the event. I will respect and love you more, and you will do your utmost not to fail in your friendship any more. I give you my blessing, and let your heart be strengthened." There were other customs in certain villages of the Far East. For example, when two or more people resolved their problem, the one who initiated the problem, the guilty one, would prepare a great dinner for the others, to pay for the anxiety he caused them; or he would buy gifts for them. There was another custom: When a person realized that he had done wrong to his parents or friends who had passed away, he offered a big dinner for the poor in memory of those who he hurt, and silently he would ask their forgiveness. If a person leaves this world before you have a chance to forgive him or before he has a chance to forgive you, you can still forgive him in your thoughts, or you can ask his forgiveness. The inhabitants of the Subtle World are very sensitive to your thoughts. Often they feel happy if an opportunity is given to them to forgive or be forgiven; a heavy load is taken from their shoulders. One must also understand why a person errs. It is so important to see the cause if one's intention is to help. Sometimes the cause is hidden in the genes or the permanent atoms, and it is not easy to correct a "crooked soul." The best way to deal with such a person is to watch his steps and take preventive actions, so that he does not have a chance to release his poisons. Until you exhaust these causes, your life will be a continuous hallucinogen and self-deception because the tension points will control your destiny. There is only one way to clear them: through total humility, sincerity, and striving for perfection. If you do not have these three qualities, there is no hope for you, and you will always try to hide under the cover of lies, self-deception, fabrications, and self-justifications. Every time you hide your true Self, you will commit crimes toward your own Self and make Him not exist. Once you ignore your true Self, you can justify yourself because you do not have the disciplining voice of your Self, and you can play hide-and-seek with your selfish interests. You must not enjoy the humiliation of a confessing one. On the contrary, you must rejoice that he is daring to clean his house and that he is courageous enough to submit himself to the scourging fire of self-confrontation. Your intention is not to enjoy someones humiliation, but rather to bring out the jewel that is hidden in him.

Forgiveness is a very delicate surgery. Sometimes we use our axes and handsaws to perform the surgery, and we create heavy damage to the one who wants to be forgiven. Often different kinds of feelings prevent him from falling to his knees, and it is very helpful for a friend to assist him to be courageous. When one is forgiven, a great cloud is taken off his shoulders, and future complications are prevented. Your wisdom and compassio n help such a person to unveil himself and come out of his misery. It is a fact that those whom we love hurt us more if they are involved with the path of hypocrisy and self-interest. Also, it is true that their victories bring us greater joy. There is also the fact that we exaggerate the faults of those close to us, or we totally over look them. On the path of development, the best guide is to see things as they are in their right proportion.

One must know that often our strongest enemies are created by our closest friends. The ancients gave us the advice that when we relate with our friends we consider that they may be possible future enemies, and that we always see in our enemies possible future friends. If we keep this in our minds, much energy and anxiety can be saved. Our relations with both our friends and with our enemies must be carried on upon the same principles. You cannot be true with your friends and untrue with your enemies. You cannot be noble with your friends and ignoble with your enemies. If you maintain your beauty in all conditions, you will grow and unfold.

There are rules that can prevent many future problems if two friends agree upon them. Such measures can discipline us and create points of observations, either in the act for forgiveness or in the act of asking forgiveness:

1. Do not talk about your friend's personal life with you, to others.

2. Do not gossip about people.

3. Do not bring the trash of the other people and dump it into your friend's ears.

4. Do not violate your friend's freedom and the freedom of others to enjoy life the way they want.

5. Be harmless.

6. Do not sell yourself cheap or associate with people who will bring shame to you and your friend.

7. Do not talk evil about those your friend loves.

8. Walk the path of righteousness, justice, and gratitude.

9. Be joyful.

10. Free yourself from your selfish motives, self-interests, and the spirit of exploitation.

Of course, you must not be fanatic about these or other rules you agree upon, but you must use them as goals for your striving and, in case of embarrassing situations, as a guide for your attitudes. If rules are transgressed, you accumulate storms for your future. If a person continues to break the rules, one must be sober and sincere, calling the transgressing party into confrontation and discipline, or into confession and forgiveness. How can people love, respect, and cooperate with each other if they do not exercise the above rules? We are told that dark forces and our own accumulations of guilt and jealousy work only for disunity, and they possess us and force us to create rationales for the cleavages which we produce. Behind every act of ingratitude stands a dark force. Ingratitude makes us take those steps which lead us to shameful activities and disunity. Rules can help us to stand on the right track. We must know that the effects of our actions are not limited to the person against whom we act. The more responsible the position the person has, the more damage is done, and the damage spreads over a larger area. Also, as the person is more advanced, the wrong done to him creates creates greater disturbances in his various centers, and the karmic reaction is heavier on the person who acts as the source of the attack. People do not realize that their greatest misfortune is to serve dark forces, in order to satisfy their selfish habits and desires. Forgiveness cannot be offered until a person realizes the magnitude of the damage he has done. Sometimes we may try to destroy our friends with our behaviour, hoping that they will forgive us. This is how we manipulate our friends. Certain people act out of pity, and they think that they must forgive those who continuously betray their trust. Such an attitude in most cases encourages them and lets them fall into greater errors. Sometimes we can demonstrate greater love in letting our friends know that our tolerance and forgiveness are running short. A timely warning prevents lots of headaches for the future and lots of irritation and poison.

Why To Forgive

1. Asking for forgiveness and offering forgiveness eliminates accumulating tensions and tension points in your consciousness, which control your thinking, speech, and actions during the moments you are involved in a serious work. Because of these tension points, you make wrong decisions and reach wrong conclusions. Thus, tension points prepare you for failure.

2. Through asking forgiveness or offering forgiveness, you may create a chance to transform your friends and feel that you are transformed.

3. Many people copy the mistakes of those whom they do not forgive. Unforgiveness creates a certain state of consciousness in you, by which you copy the bad things you hate in others. It is observed that a person who hates his enemy eventually becomes exactly like him.

4. Forgiveness increases your love and compassion. Progress on the path is attained only through increasing love and service. Lack of love blocks your vision. People think that to have love and compassion means to tolerate people to carry on their destructive actions. Sometimes love and compassion are harder to deal with because they turn into fire to purify the contaminated person and release him from his errors. If love is not strong enough to stand against corruptions and self-deception, it turns into pity, which helps the germs to grow.

5. It is through the spirit of forgiveness that you keep your independence and are not controlled by the moves of the one you hate.

6. Forgiveness is a technique of detachments and freedom.

7. Unforgiveness continuously makes you leak etheric, emotional, and mental energy and build useless thoughtforms.

8. Forgiveness enables you to see the causes of the actions committed against you.

9. Because of your forgiveness, you do not fight against karmic adjustments.

10. In forgiving, you receive the blessings of your Soul and do not involve yourself with crimes.

11. In forgiving, you receive the blessings of Christ.

12. Forgiveness is a method your subconscious nature uses to let go of your own errors which you were hanging on to, hating the same things in others.

13. Forgiveness makes you magnetic.

14. If you do not ask for forgiveness and are properly forgiven, the wrong relationship continues and often gets worse, with increasing, destructive effects.

Self-forgiveness and forgiveness in general must have a very important goal: to call out the beauty in yourself and in others. You should say, "I forgive you because I know that the things that you did were not done by the real you, but by your urges, drives, glamors, illusions, and posthypnotic suggestions. In forgiving you, I give your real Self a chance to make new breakthrough." But do not take forgiveness for granted because once the cup of the heart is broken, it is difficult or even sometimes impossible to repair it. Much love and much sacrifice will be needed for such a repair.

In the forgiving procedure, one must not force the subject to say things that are not real or true. One must not ask questions that will hurt him even more. If the subject is sincere enough, he must be left free or helped only slightly to confess. If the wound is scratched more and more, it will not heal. On the contrary, the problem will increase and spread into deeper areas of the human consciousness. The counterpart and/or the correspondences of that problem lying in the permanent atoms will start awakening and pouring gasoline on the fire. Then you will say, "It did not work," because every new, released impression from the past complicates the problem more and more. Some people around us bring the worst out of us because of the certain chemistry they posses. This point must be noticed, and such people must be avoided.

Asking for forgiveness and the act of forgiving are sometimes exercised only after a crisis reaches its highest point, in which people release and unveil themselves. It is in these moments that people either destroy each other, or they establish a permanent relationship with each other, based on understanding and love. When mistakes are realized and forgiveness is offered, then the tension calms down and a creative period starts between the people. Forgiveness, even if it produces only short periods of understanding, is useful. With forgiveness, you close a page and start a new page and try not to repeat your mistakes again. In friendship, observation gives a great opportunity to see things as they really are. But you cannot clearly observe your own life and the lives of other people if you observe through your ego, interests, and vanities. Observation cannot guide you on the right path if it is controlled by your ego, vanity, and self-interest.

Those who ask forgiveness and those who forgive must be sure that they are not acting on emotions or expectations, but on concrete facts. Only an observing person can see in himself and in others the conditions as they factually exist. We also have the problem of self-forgiveness. Some people think that they must forgive themselves; others think that people must punish themselves. Both viewpoints can be resolved when the person confronts himself as he is and tries to improve himself. Without self-confrontation, self-forgiveness leads to degeneration. Without self-confrontation, self-punishment does not change anything in people. Self-forgiveness is a psychological method not to fall into an inferiority complex, but to strive toward the betterment of life.

Daily before sleep, you must send thoughts of forgiveness to people who hurt you in any way. Also, you must mentally ask the forgiveness of those whom you hurt. Such a review saves you from many complications in the Subtle World, where sometimes problems are solved and the next day you see the calming down of many violent conditions. In some sacred Oriental books, God is called the All-forgiving One. What a beautiful concept this is if one takes it as an ever-encouraging invitation towards perfection and greater achievements.


from the book Challenge for discipleship
by Torkom Saraydarian